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Dolly The Sheep Award
Colour of the Truth
Just
as we honour those who stay committed to remaking the same type of film
despite audience indifference, we also acknowledge those who just cash
in on another film's success by striking while the iron is hot and turning
out carbon copies. Infernal Affairs was a darn good movie, but
wasn't particularly original. Its greatest strength was its script, which
was strong (unlike 99% of HK flicks). The film owed a huge debt to Hong
Kong films from decades past - movies like 1987's City on Fire.
It also seemed to be similar in tone to some of Johnnie To's better work.
If ‘derivative' is a compliment, we extend it to the guys behind Colour
of the Truth. Directed by former editor
Marco Mak (who seems intent on reproducing To's style on a fraction of
his budgets) it starred Anthony Wong...was mean and moody...and it told
the tale of an honest cop and a Triad cop... In other words, an Infernal
Affairs cash-in with a Johnnie To twist. |
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Flogging A Dead Horse Award
Fate Fighter
This
gong goes to the film which proves beyond any doubt that its makers are
stubborn old mules who don't pay attention to trends and tastes. "If
it worked once...maybe it'll work again," is their dictum. The award
goes to the team behind Fate
Fighter. Ok, Wong Jing scored big 15
years ago with the charismatic Chow Yun-fat in God of Gamblers.
For the next couple of years everyone, from Anita Mui to Stephen Chow,
was an ace card shark. In the late '90s Wong had Nick Cheung and Andy
Lau at the card tables. It was the law of diminishing returns at work.
In 2002 we were treated to Cheung in Conman 2002... It was not
a hit. That didn't stop Fate Fighter's creators from making yet
another average gambling yarn. Good on ya lads for milking a good idea
to death. |
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Art Imitates Life Award
Diva
Ah Hey
We present
this award to the Hong Kong film which strikes a chord in the hearts and
minds of local filmgoers. Our industry is famed for its excellent forays
in escapism. Most filmmakers would rather we forget about reality than
dwell on it. We should respect folk like Herman Yau for biting criticism
of our Government - his Shark Busters featured policemen caught
in negative equity financial straights brought on by listening to Tung's
advice to buy property before the market went belly-up. We can't give
Herman the gong, though, ‘cos Diva
Ah Hey starred one of the Twins, and
it showed how some of today's Cantopop starlets are talentless morons
who need to mime at every live performance, lest they commit serious crimes
against music and cause permanent damage to the audience's eardrums. Was
having one of the Twins play a talented chanteuse caught up in that phony
world an ironic casting coup? We dunno... We still haven't recovered from
Twins' Harbourfest performance, where they rejected miming in favour of
tortured-cat vocals. |
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Best English Title Award
My
Horny Girlfriend
Hong
Kong films have English subtitles. They are often done very hastily and
cheaply, so the results can be unintentionally hilarious. The film's English
titles can sometimes be gems too. At times baffling (It's a Drink,
It's a Bomb), at others failing to get the desired effect (Coward
Bastard), sometimes it's hard to tell what they were thinking. The
title Twins Effect seemed to have little to do with the film and
more to do with its stars' incredible domination of the entertainment
scene. Titles should be intriguing (Kung Fu Master is My Grandma!)
and appealing.Titles should target the film's intended audience. So we
give this award to a movie shot on video with such a small budget that
the poor actors had to go without wardrobe much of the time. The movie
may have been a straight-to-DVD release starring porn-princess Grace Lam,
but the title has wit, and it has punch. It definitely speaks to those
that are into its kind of entertainment too (not this writer). Hooray
for My
Horny Girlfriend! |
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Honorary Durian Award
Lau
Kar-leung
This
special version of the gleaming golden fruit is only presented to those
who surpassed themselves in 2003 with work so mediocre you could be forgiven
for thinking they had little talent. Not so. Lau
Kar-leung, this year's recipient, is
a bona fide legend of martial arts cinema. Thanks to the wonders of DVD,
many young pups are discovering what cinemagic Lau was crafting at the
Shaw Brothers studio back in the ‘70s and ‘80s. Thank God too, ‘cos the
film he made for them in 2003, Drunken Monkey was bland, lacklustre
and hopelessly out-of-touch. Lau Sifu, we have so much respect for you...
But you really didn't have to make a film so average to remind us of how
great you once were. |
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How Not To Impress The Gweilos AwardBlack
Mask 2: City of Masks
In
recent years, Hong Kong cinema has displayed a trend for making movies
with Western audiences in mind. It's not enough to make films for Chinese
or Asian audiences, you see. Whitie has to plonk down his dollars for
your movie too. Here's how local producers think they can get middle
America to buy our flicks:
1)
Have at least some dialogue in English. It doesn't matter if the guy
saying it is:
a)
as fluent in English as a rotten piece of kimchi; b) talking to someone
who can't tell English from kimchi; c) as much of an actor as a piece
of rotten kimchi.
2)
Have someone white you may have heard of/seen before in it. It doesn't
matter that they aren't a star. If they were once in a boy band/had
a supporting role in an Oscar-winning film/are a washed up ex-teen idol
who needs the modest paycheck, it's all good, dog.
3)
Try to get the film associated with Jackie Chan, if only by inference
(as in "From the Producers of Jackie Chan's road safety TV spots").
If you can't get Jackie, use Yuen Woo-ping's name instead.
This
year's winner is Black
Mask 2: City of Masks. Director/producer
Tsui Hark truly is a genius, providing an abject lesson in how to turn
a respectable budget and Hollywood studio investment into video-bin
trash. He casts a non-martial artist to reprise a role made famous by
Jet Li, he surrounds him with folk like ex-hardcore queen Traci Lords
and wrestler Rob Van Dam (hey, can't be worse than Jean-Claude Van Damme),
he eschews SFX in favour of dodgy guy-in-rubber-lizard-suit-shots. Oh
yeah, the acting is of a kind that - as rumour has it - daytime soap
actors actually wept when they saw it. |
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Durian of Wasted Opportunity
Naked
Ambition
If
you looked at the movie listings last year, you'd be forgiven for thinking
that sex was back in the cinemas. With titles like Sex and the Beauties and Good Times, Bed Times, one could have expected either frank
discussion about matters below-the-belt, or at least a jolly good pump
fest. You'd be wrong! Hong Kong cinema, ever the tease, promised titillation,
but backed off quickly, more prudish than ever. There was little to
learn, think about, or even be turned on by at the cinemas last year.
It appears that airing HBO's Sex and the City series on TVB hardly
helped open minds or discussion. It just spawned tamer Canto copycats.
At BC, we aren't lobbying for more dangly bits on our screens, but we
do think it's wrong to start and not go the whole way. With Naked
Ambition you had an interesting premise.
It was based on a true tale of success in the Hong Kong porn publishing
trade. In economically-flaccid times, the idea of making an unconventional
and raunchy fortune seemed appealing to audiences. We could have had
a local answer to Boogie Nights. What did we end up with? Cantopop
stars in unbelievable situations whilst seemingly saying prostitution
is fine and victimless. Was Naked Ambition offensive? Despite
the topless Japanese porn stars, not really. It was just a shame that
the film was so commercial...and hence avoided real risk taking. Making
audiences think and question, now that's risky! |
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Don't Even Bother With
The Pirate VCD Award
The Medallion
Thanks
for your patience. We now come to the award for the movie which is just
so bad it serves as a lesson to all Hong Kong filmmakers as to how bad
things can turn out when you try to make a movie. A film doesn't have
to be an exploitation flick to be a turd. Big names are not a guarantee
of a quality night at the movies. You can have a huge budget, a great
star, a talented director...and still turn out a dog. As was the case
with The
Medallion. The film suffered greatly
at the hands of American distributor Columbia (who also bought white
Mask 2),
and
who with its scissor-friendly mitts managed to cut out almost all traces
of charm and excitement. When Columbia ordered reshoots, rumours circulated
that the Hong Kong producers were going to show their original cut in
Asia. They then clearly thought they needed to show other filmmakers
what happens if you are spineless when dealing with a studio. Not only
did The Medallion have dialogue cut out, most of its action was
cut too! The most expensive Hong Kong film ever, starring Jackie Chan...featuring
very little action! Way to go guys. |
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