|
 |
|
Durian for Worst Use of Major Talent
Jiang Hu
The poster art was great. The trailers were great. The movie was a hyped up balloon. Jiang Hu (not to be confused with the other, better Tony Leung Ka-fai film from 2000) boasted two of Hong Kong's biggest stars - and leaked away their talents. Andy Lau has to be turning in the best performances of his career lately and this film made him seem as appealing as an overstyled con artist. Jacky Cheung doesn't even make that many films anymore, and if you get him to be in yours, do something other than shooting him eating and talking at the same time! The only thing we got from director Wong Ching-po was some of the nastiest natty dreads in years. |
|
Durian for Best Performance
by
an Inanimate Object
The Table in New Police Story
You're on top of the HKCEC trying to talk a homicidal maniac out of going ballistic. He challenges you to a duel of gun reconstruction much like the one you failed months before. A life hangs - literally - in the balance. So Jackie Chan's Wing and perennial Durian nominee Daniel Wu's Joe put the gun parts on a table to do battle. You read that right. They put the parts on a table. On top of the Convention Centre. Funny thing is, it wasn't there a minute or two before. Gaffes happen all the time. It's part of making a film. And they did have to pay for the KMB rampage. Must not have left much cash for a continuity girl. |
|
The How the Hell did I Get Here? Durian
Lau Ching-wan
Now, we're not quite sure what's going on here. No one recalls any kind of younger woman/drug arrest/ICAC investigation scandal involving actor Lau Ching-wan. But clearly the gods are punishing him. A scant five years ago, he was working with Ringo Lam, Johnnie To and his people, and Derek Yee (Lost in Time notwithstanding). Now, he's the tripe-master's first call. Lau's body of work was expanded in 2004 to include such masterworks as Fantasia, and the lowest of the low, Three of a Kind, where he sported eye liner conspicuous enough to rival Louis Koo's tan. Lau was once arguably one of HK's finest working actors, but one more year like 2004, and he'll vanish into the abyss of defunct along with Daniel Chan and Julian Cheung. |
|
Durian for Poor Career Decisions
Jaycee Fong in Twins Effect II
Faux-POTUS son Charlie Sheen first made his mark in the Oscar-nominated Platoon. Goldie Hawn's daughter Kate Hudson almost landed an early Oscar for Almost Famous. Matsuda Ryuhei - son of Yusaku - made his film debut in Gohatto, a film by Oshima Nagisa. And who knows where to begin with the Bollywood Khans. So why Jackie Chan's son would allow himself to be cast as a buffoon in a film as insipid as Twins Effect II is beyond our logic. Why the Emperor marketing department would do it is confounding. Vehicles like Effect II are supposed to make the hero look cool and suave - not dorky and bungling. Words fail, but anyone involved with the production should beware of a sudden flying kick to the head when the elder Chan cottons on to the fact that someone's made a fool of his progeny. |
|
Durian for the Twin Most Likely Not to Survive Separation Surgery
Charlene Choi
Say 'Twins' and watch hackles raise and eyes roll. But, lo, yonder a Twin with talent? The Gruesome Twosome's 2004 solo projects proved that surgery would be a success for one, and, uh, fraught with complications for the other. Gillian Chung starred in Pang Ho Cheung's Beyond Our Ken and she was effective under the guidance of a capable director. That can't be said for Charlene Choi, who was unconvincing in Danny Pang's Leave Me Alone and came close to utterly destroying a largely engaging film. Her sole facial expression though was a blessing - temporarily stopping that creepy grin. |
|
2004 Twin Durian
The Remainder of Cookies
In what should be an annual accolade for the dual performance most likely to cause conniption fits, last year brought forth two 'actors' that made the Twins look like disciples of Stanislavsky. Stephy Tang and Theresa Fu squeal, pout and stare vacantly through Dating Death and manage to grate even more than their role models. An honourable mention to Boy'z, who squeal, pout and stare vacantly through Adrian Kwan's 6am. |
|
Durian for Outstanding Hamming
Teresa Cheung in Colour Blossoms
After all the brouhaha over Cheung's half naked cinematic debut we got to see the film. Soft-core pornographer and professional fetishist Yonfan does his thing (whatever that is) in this tale of obsession, memory and, um, er, something. Easily the most intentionally oblique and pretentious film of the year, it turns into a comedy as soon as Cheung, as Meili (get it, 'beautiful'?), tries to be sexy. A close second is co-star Matsuzaka Keiko with her histrionics, but Cheung must win the prize for her straight-faced gravitas. |
|
"Let's See the Cheque" Durian
Sam Lee
What can one say about A Wedding or a Funeral? It's poorly made C-grade dregs that hardly deserves the ink to print these very words. Perhaps star Sam Lee - actually a good actor - knew that before the film went into production and hence his phoned-in performance. Not even Michael Wong's Cantolish performances in the Option series are this disinterested. Mr. Lee must have made a pretty penny because no other logical reason warrants participating in such a travesty. |
|
Durian for Mis-Direction
Herman Yau for Dating Death
Herman Yau has had his moments. He's directed some classics from the HK pantheon - like Shark Busters and The Untold Story. And no doubt, many filmmakers in the SAR know that getting paid to make a film finances their own movie. But even then, Yau's work on Dating Death draws either laughter or horror for all the wrong reasons. Granted he didn't have much to work with (terrible dialogue in a wretched 'script' and shoddy actors), but he's done better with just as little on other, similar films. |
|
Don't Even Bother With
The Pirate VCD Award
Clifton Ko's Forever Yours
The runaway winner for worst film of the year is this 84-minute infomercial for Star Cruises. Advertising is one of those things that we love to hate and hate to love. An art form in itself, good ad work deserves respect for what it is. And we've even become inured to spots ahead of cinema features. Fine. We can go in 10 minutes late. But, when one pays 50, 60 or 70 dollars to see a movie and what you get is full-on advertising, it's enough to make your ears curl. And it's not even good advertising! Forever Yours is an all-singing, all-dancing anti-marriage, anti-female independence and homophobic 'film' that would be offensive if it weren't so inept. To add insult to injury, the running time only cuts it as a feature because the end sequence is a rerun of the opening five minutes. Any episode of The Love Boat is superior. Come to think of it, does a pirate VCD of this even exist? |
|
Disturbing Cinematic Trend Durian
Girly Girls
Whether because of a serious dearth of credible chicks out there or whether it's the zeitgeist speaking, the trend of casting actresses in kickass-but-afraid-of-breaking-a-nail roles is ridiculous. Is no Hong Kong actress capable of taking on the roles that a decade ago would have gone to Brigitte Lin, Anita Mui and Carrie Ng? 2004 gave us Vicki Zhao (Goddess of Mercy), Karena Lam (Koma) and Cecilia Cheung (One Nite in Mongkok) as tough, jaded and street smart grrls. And we're supposed to buy this? |
|
Strike Two Durian
Michelle Yeoh
Has got to go to Yeoh for producing a second vanity stinker that almost outdid the first. Had it not been for some unintentional comedy and a super-hero outfit to match, Silver Hawk would be relegated to below the circus wheels of The Touch. Ms. Yeoh should let other people choose her projects for her and just bask in the glory of her stellar reputation - what's left of it. Michelle, for the love of all that is good and holy, remember, as you read the next cockamamie script that comes across your desk, the old adage: Strike three. You're out. |
|
Wig of the Year Durian
Simon Yam in Moving Targets
Check out Yam as a 'young' man playing Nicholas Tse's father. Yam isn't a particularly rough looking 50-year-old (see Overacting Durian). A little make-up, some alternate direction hair-brushing and right camera filter and he's believable as a 30-something. (For those naysayers out there, this is the medium, after all, that once cast John Travolta as a high school senior.) The small animal on the top of his head that made him look 'younger' was just loopy. |
|
Being Daniel Wu Durian
Samuel Pang
Pang did an uncanny imitation of bc's favourite local actor in 2000's Jiang Hu: The Triad Zone. Donning a haircut similar to Wu's Purple Storm (1999) 'do, he's appeared in every film that couldn't afford Wu's salary. His role in Explosive City harkened Purple, what with the evil brainwashing father-figure from some other part of Asia. Needless to say, Hit Team, featuring both, is very, very confusing. |
|
Overacting Durian
Daniel Wu in New Police Story
It may seem like we're picking on the poor lad, but the worst actor category is a lock for Daniel Wu as long as he insists on being in every film made every year. Plenty of actors clearly sleepwalked through their lines last year. And Anthony Wong and Simon Yam are notorious for strategic air-strike acting. But Wong has talent and Yam is sex incarnate, so it's forgivable. A Golden Horse win and a HK Film Award nomination notwithstanding, Mr. Wu stretched to the point of agony in New Police Story. Anyone recollecting his Big Moment on the roof of the convention centre can't help but squirm uncomfortably. It says a great deal when Edison Chen isn't even a factor in the judging for this category. Oy. |
| |
|
|
